Saruman's Best Weapon
by Jesus' girl 4ever
Summary: After the Fellowship escaped from Moria unscathed (except for Gandalf's death), Saruman unleashes his best weapon: Mary Sues! Unfortunately for him, he brought a "normal" fan with them! Can she help the Fellowship retain their sanity?
1. Prologue

**Saruman's Best Weapon**

Disclaimer: I don't own LotR.

**Prologue **

Saruman watched through the Palantir as the Fellowship, or what was left of it, collapsed after leaving the mines of Moria. Aragorn tried to hurry them along. "So, the Ranger is not distracted even when one of their own dies. Hmm. Perhaps there is another way to stop them, or just slow them down." The White Wizard thought for a moment. Then, a sly grin spread across his face. "I believe it is time to summon my best weapon I have avaliable." He whispered a few unintelligible words into his staff. A bolt of light shot out from it. Five girls appeared from the light. Four kept their balance perfectly, but the fifth tumbled over and out of sight. She quickly got up and joined the other girls. Saruman said, "Do any of you know why you are here?"

One of them giggled. "Liek, of course not! How could we?"

"Perfect," he said under his breath, adding in a louder tone, "Are all of you Lord of the Rings fans?"

"Sure!" the same girl answered. "Only because of my Leggy." She sighed dreamily.

"What? You, liek, like him? Bory is teh bestest, hottest guy ever! He shouldn't have, liek, died!" a second girl exclaimed angrily.

"You all are clearly forgetting teh most cutest dwarf in, liek, the history of movies! Gimli." Another dreamy sigh from the third girl.

"But what about the hero of the whole movie? Frodo, now he's, liek, the cutest hobbit ever!" the fourth interjected.

The Boromir fangirl looked at her strangely. "What's a hobbit?"

The girl who had fallen over shook her head. Saruman looked at her. "And what about you?"

Her thoughts raced. _This is Saruman! He must have an evil plan for these fangirls! And for me!_ Aloud, she said, "Gornie is teh bestest, hottest guy ever! He shouldn't have married taht elf chick! She didn't deserve him!" Inwardly, she cringed at what she was saying. Still, she knew that if she played along, she might be able to help more.

Saruman whispered into his staff again and the girls changed. The Legolas fangirl's hair (which was painfully obviously dyed blonde) lengthened and became a normal platinum blonde color. Her ears became pointy and she was wearing a pink elvish dress, too. The Boromir fangirl's clothes changed into pink Middle-Earth clothes too. (Thankfully, her hair was naturally blondish.) The Gimli fangirl got a lot shorter and grew a beard and was dressed in dwarfish clothes colored, of course, pink. The Frodo fangirl got shorter, her ears became pointy, her hair became naturally curly, and her shoes disappeared. And of course, she was wearing pink. The girl pretending to be an Aragorn fangirl's clothes also became medieval style clothes, and she shuddered inside at the amount of pink on her body. They all had weapons like their favorite character.

Saruman whispered into and waved his staff again, and all five girls disappeared.


	2. Meet the Fellowship

**Saruman's Best Weapon**

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the fangirls. *shudders*

**Chapter 1: Meet the Fellowship**

The five girls appeared just out of the Fellowship's eyesight. They looked around, and only the non-Sue knew where they were. Just then, they heard the voices of some of the Fellowship. Soon, they were standing before the girls. "And what is this? An elf, dwarf, hobbit, and two human maidens traveling alone?" Aragorn asked.

The non-Sue quickly answered, before the Sues could, "Yes, my lord. We appear to have lost our way. Would you and your companions be kind enough to guide us in the direction of-"

"Lothlorien," the elf girl interrupted.

"Why, that is our destination! Strider, they could accompany us, couldn't they?" Frodo asked.

"I do not believe that would be wise, Frodo. After all, how do we know that they are not spies of the enemy?"

"We aren't!" the human Sue quickly said.

"Aragorn, they are ladies. Does Sauron use ladies as spies?" Boromir reasoned.

"No, but that does not mean they are not."

"We said- Ow!" the elf began to protest, but was cut off by the non-Sue stepping on her foot- hard.

"Please, Strider? They don't look like they mean us harm!" Pippin protested.

"Beside that, Aragorn, they are five ladies. There are eight of us, all armed. Could we not protect ourselves?" Boromir said.

"And you wouldn't be so cruel as to leave five ladies alone to face orcs, would you?" Frodo said.

"I suppose they may come. But they have to keep up. We will move swiftly." Aragorn gave in.

"Of course," the hobbit Sue answered, without taking her eyes off Frodo, who was beginning to look very uncomfortable.

"Then we must be off. Come, ladies," Aragorn said, and the girls and Fellowship began to move again.

"If we are to be traveling together, we should learn each other's names, right? I'm Peregrin Took, but everyone calls me Pippin. This is my cousin Meridoc Brandybuck, but you can call him Merry. That is Frodo Baggins, another cousin of ours, and Frodo's gardener, Samwise Gamgee, who usually goes by Sam. The dwarf is Gimli, the elf is Legolas, that," he motioned to Boromir, "is Boromir of Gondor, and the other man is Strider, or Aragorn."

"I am Eleniel," the elf-maiden said.

"I'm Lily," the hobbit said.

"I am Eydis," the dwarf-girl said.

"I am Gweithiril," the Sue-human girl stated.

"And I am Amy," the normal girl finished.

Pippin blinked. "I can't pronounce any of your names but Lily and Amy!"

Amy shook her head before leaning down to Pippin's eye level. "I barely can!"

He smiled before asking, "What were you doing before we came along?"

"Well, we were-"

"Exploring." Eydis cut in.

"Oh. We are going on a mission! You see, Frodo has a-"

"Hush!" the other three hobbits exclaimed.

"Pippin, that's a secret!" Frodo said.

"Oops. Sorry," he said.

"That's all right, but try to remember to not tell anyone, all right?"

"All right."

Amy bit her lip. She knew what Pippin had been going to say. "What does Frodo have?" Eleniel asked.

Amy smacked her forehead. "Really, Eleniel?"

"What?"

"I'm not allowed to tell," Pippin said sadly.

"Oh."

Amy grabbed Eleniel's arm and said, "Would you excuse us, please?" She pulled the elf off to the side of the trail. "Look, you said you're a Lord of the Rings fan, right? Well, you should know why they're here. What's more, we're interrupting the story, something I don't like to do."

"But you, liek, acted like you were happy to be here! What about what you said about-"

Amy slapped a hand over the elf's mouth. "I said what I did so that- Oh, never mind! Just, when we get to Lothlorien, know this: I will not hesitate to force you and the other girls to stay there if we are allowed. Clear?"

Eleniel yanked Amy's hand off her mouth. "We're falling behind. We, liek, have to catch up." She turned to hurry along, but Amy's arm on hers stilled her. "One more thing. Try to keep your fangirlish tendencies inside, would you?" Without waiting for an answer, she took off and caught up with the others. Boromir, who was guarding the rear, asked, "Is everything all right?"

"I hope so," Amy replied.

Eleniel was heard behind them screaming, "Leggy, wait up!"

Amy groaned. "Perhaps not."

Boromir watched as the elf raced past them to walk beside Legolas. He shuddered as Gweithiril gave him an enticing smile. "Why are the rest of those girls so strange?"

Amy sighed. "You don't want to know."

* * *

That night, the Fellowship slept on one side of the fire, and the girls on the other side. Well, the Sues slept. Amy couldn't. Finally, she sat up. Legolas, who was keeping watch, asked in a whisper, "Is something wrong?"

"No. I just can't sleep."

"Ah." They sat in silence for a little while before Legolas asked, "If you do not mind the question, do you have any idea why Eleniel is so…"

"Weird?"

He gave her a strange look. "What does that mean?"

"Strange, different, odd, peculiar, that kind of thing."

"Then yes."

"Well, I know, but I can't really explain."

"Oh."

"If I were you, I would only try to avoid her as best as you can."

"Most certainly."

Amy suddenly yawned. Legolas laughed. "Perhaps you should try again to sleep."

"I believe I shall." Amy lay back down and closed her eyes. "Good night, Lady Amy."

"Good night, Legolas." Within moments, Amy was asleep.

_A/N: Thanks to: HogwartsDwarfKat, Rayen Autumn King, and Nyghtshade for reviewing! Also, thanks to: __HogwartsDwarfKat, Rayen Autumn King, and _Rainon Saturn for following this story.


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